Assuming someone didn't hack David Brooks NYT OP/ED account, Brooks explains the real Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney was born ... in Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Virginia and several other swing states. He emerged, hair first, believing in America, and especially its national parks. He was given the name Mitt, after the Roman god of mutual funds ... He uttered his first words (‘I like to fire people’) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal. Mitt grew up in a modest family. His father had an auto body shop called the American Motors Corporation, and his mother owned a small piece of land, Brazil. ...There is much more, and it's pretty funny, especially when you consider that it's from David Brooks.
He was sent to a private school, where he was saddened to find there are people in America who summer where they winter. He developed a lifelong concern for the second homeless ... After streamlining his wife’s pregnancies down to six months each, Mitt helped Ann raise five perfect sons — Bip, Chip, Rip, Skip and Dip — who married identically tanned wives. ... Romney owns many homes without garage elevators and the cars have to take the stairs. ... Romney was lured away to run the Winter Olympics, the second most Caucasian institution on earth, after the G.O.P. ... At the convention, where his Secret Service nickname is Mannequin, Romney will talk about his real-life record: successful business leader, superb family man, effective governor, devoted community leader and prudent decision-maker. If elected, he promises to bring all Americans together and make them feel inferior.